Hansel and Gretel Satire

Hansel and Gretel Satire

            Once upon a time, a woodcutter lived in a house in the woods with his son, Hansel, his daughter, Gretel, and his second wife, who was an evil and cruel woman.

            The mean Stepmother constantly badgered her husband, “These children are dumb and annoying!, Get rid of them! Take them out deep into the forest and abandon them!” The woodcutter did not want to get rid of his children however, and refused, because that’s child endangerment, which is against the law.

            So one day the wicked Stepmother told her husband, “Listen you idiot; you have to choose between me and your brats. They go or I go.” So the woodcutter locked himself in his room for a week and thought it over. At the end of the week he came out of his room, and told his wife, “Get out of my house you wicked woman!” She shrieked in anger and ran out of the house and into the forest.

            The wicked woman (I would call her the wicked stepmother, but she’s not Hansel’s and Gretel’s stepmother anymore) in a blind fury, stumbled through the forest, cursing the names of the woodcutter, Hansel, and Gretel.

            After a few cold nights of sleeping on the ground, which only served to make her bitterer, the woman, totally lost, came upon a house made of candy and delicious sweets. Not having eaten in days, she ran to the house as quick as her feet would carry her, not considering how bizarre it was that a house made of candy was sitting in the forest. Grabbing pieces of the house and devouring them hungrily, she hardly began to notice when it began to rain. The rain, which came on hard, immediately melted the sugary parts of the house and spoiling the rest. The house, who’s structure had already been severely weakened by the woman grabbing large chunks of it and eating it, compounded with the rain, collapsed on the woman. Out of the rubble came a witch, screaming about how her house was ruined. But before she could address the woman, the rain started falling on her, melting her, seeing as how she was a witch. So the wicked woman pulled herself out of the rubble and died after a few days from exposure and thirst.

THE END